


‘The light which puts out our eyes is darkness to us’

by cara_ox



Series: 'The sun is but a morning star' [2]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Truth, sam and becca's friendship is everything to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-12 00:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21224972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cara_ox/pseuds/cara_ox
Summary: Kinda prequel to 'things do not change, we change' - the conversation Sam had with Becca, asking for her permission to tell Grizz the truth about Eden because there is NO way Sam would just tell Grizz and betray Becca's trust. But I think the only way Sam and Grizz could ever truly work and move forward would be for him to completely honest.Enjoy! x





	‘The light which puts out our eyes is darkness to us’

**Author's Note:**

> So, I realised in the last piece, I made it seem like Sam outed Grizz to Becca and I don’t know how I feel about that? Like I’m sure Sam wouldn’t do that and even tho Grizz told Gwen and it’s likely the guards will find out s2 it’s still not something I want so I decided to change the conversation a little x

Becca was cradling Eden, something she’d been doing and didn’t want to stop doing ever since she’d given birth to the most innocent and precious thing she’d ever seen. Eden was the cutest baby Becca was lucky enough to hold, even if she did say herself. She never knew something that had brought so much pain, a lot of pain, but could still make her so happy. Holding her, singing to her, talking to her, seemed to make all of her troubles disappear. They’d just moved back into the house; the bedroom she shared with Sam was now occupied by a variety of baby essentials, all crammed into the rather small room. It was a mess, but that didn’t seem to bother Becca. All she cared about was Eden; she couldn’t take her eyes off her, it was as if they were still attached, one body, one entity. She just didn’t want to let go. 

Sam had left the two to collect some more supplies from the hospital. In all honesty, he just fancied the walk. The cold winter air was so refreshing on his crimson coloured cheeks. He needed some space; something he hadn’t had over the past week. Not that he was complaining, he loved Becca and loved Eden just as much. But he hadn’t had much time to himself recently. At first, he was extremely grateful for this. Having time meant thinking and thinking meant thinking about Grizz and thinking about Grizz made Sam far too emotional. Not that he didn’t want to think about him; if he couldn’t be with him, thinking about him would be the next best thing. But it was still too raw, too painful, even if it was all of Sam’s fault. Sam hated what he did to Grizz. That heartbroken look Grizz did so well, Sam had already seen too many times. He wished so many times he could have a do-over. If he’d just been more thoughtful, he could have salvaged it all. The way the two had left each other, it wasn’t the worst, but it certainly wasn’t the best. 

Sam knew he had to tell Becca, one way or another. It wasn’t fair on anyone, including Sam. Like he’d said, he was so excited about Grizz, so happy, so content. Was he really going to just throw that away? Grizz already meant so much to Sam, just as Eden and Becca did, and he knew he could never truly forgive himself if he didn’t at least try to fix the mess. 

Upon arriving back at the house, Sam geared himself up to admit all to Becca. He left the meaningless supplies by the front door and slowly walked up to his and Becca’s room. The girl across the room didn’t notice Sam at first, too entranced by the small baby in her arms. Sam tapped lightly at the door as if to ask for permission to come in. 

“I have something to tell you.” Sam stepped forward, trying to mussel up the courage to tell Becca. Tell her exactly what had happened outside of the house. They’d been lucky enough that the day Kelly told Becca she could go home; it was the same day the expedition group had arrived back home. Sam didn’t even want to imagine what would have happened if they’d started for home and bumped into the near riot that was happening. Becca has been so busy with Eden that she hadn’t asked again what was going on with everyone else. He was unsure whether she’d even noticed Allie and Luke were missing. Sam knew he didn’t have long left until Becca would leave the Eden trance and realise something was up. 

“What’s wrong, Sam?” Becca briefly looked up from Eden, giving him a small smile, looking as if there nothing wrong in the world and there would never be again. Sam didn’t want to break this trance Becca was currently in, all he really wanted for her was to be happy. But he knew he could only keep this façade on for so long, and it wouldn’t do either of them any good to carry on lying.

Sam paused for a moment, pondering whether to tell her the truth or lie. Again. He decided with the latter. “Ah… just that the expedition group… they’re back. Isn’t that great?” It wasn’t a complete lie. The group had only come back last night, apparently looking so dishevelled and confused at the whole situation they had found the community it. Sam hadn’t seen them himself; he’d hidden away at the hospital since Eden was born, not wanting to get involved in anything. He knew that was cowardly, but he had a family to think about now. Gordie had kept him informed on everything; and as soon as Sam had realised what they’d done to his cousin, what his own brother had done, he knew something had to change. He just didn’t think he was the guy to do it. 

Becca carefully placed Eden back in her crib, before looking back at Sam, not amused at all, she hadn’t fallen for it. “Sam. I’m not stupid. I had a baby. I haven’t lost brain cells.” She signed this in her usual fashion; fast and aggressive. 

“What?” Sam was trying his best to look confused, but Becca knew her best friend too well. He was avoiding her eye, those, sparkling, cobalt eyes always gave everything away. He didn’t want to lie to her; that was the last thing he wanted to do. Having secrets; Sam wasn’t very good at that. One of the reasons he had come out so early was because he hated the feeling of dread. Dread that any day, someone could find out. Dread that he was keeping part of himself secret from his parents, his friends, even Campbell. The moment he told his parents, told Campbell, told Becca; he felt the most immense feeling of relief. He was finally himself and no one could take that away from him. Being the only gay deaf kid wasn’t the easiest thing; especially in West Ham, but Sam knew he had to try to live his life the way he wanted. But those moments seemed so far away now; it was like he was a completely different person. 

Becca wasn’t buying this ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about act’. Constantly, pregnant women or mothers were told they were going crazy, they were imagining things - it’s just the hormones. She’d seen enough of that in her own life and wasn’t going to let Sam get away with it. “Sam, where’s Allie? Or Luke? Why does everyone look like it’s the end of the world?” Becca signed this quickly, maybe a little too quickly. She studied Sam’s face to make sure he understood, and when it became clear that he did, even if he didn’t want to, she waited for his reply. 

It took Sam a moment before he could answer. Becca was right, of course she was. Originally, Sam didn’t tell Becca anything because he didn’t want to worry her. She was heavily pregnant and about to pop at any moment. Once Eden was born, Becca almost seemed to fade away. She only cared about Eden, which Sam didn’t mind. Eden distracted him, and he was grateful for that. He allowed his mind to wander for a moment, trying to think of a good enough lie but fortunately for Becca, could think of none. “Arrested. A coup. Shit, Becca. It’s all gone to pot. It was Campbell. It was all his fault. They let him go and-“

Becca’s confused expression quickly turned to anger with a small hint of sadness. “Why didn’t you tell me? I asked and you just-“

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, avoiding Becca’s piercing eyes and not wanting to cut her off, but it was necessary for him to say it. He was _sorry_. Sorry for everything he’d done in the past few weeks. __

_ __ _

“What do the others say? Where’s Gordie?” 

_ __ _

“I don’t know.” Sam didn’t know what to say; let alone what to do in this situation. He just felt so lost, like he’d become this complete stranger and he didn’t know how to get back. Get back to the version of himself that was good and real. 

_ __ _

“Great, just great. My baby is going to live in a fucking remake of _Lord of The Flies_, isn’t she?” Becca exasperated; not actually believing this could be happening. It was like something out of a fucked-up dystopian novel they’d been made to read in junior year. __

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

“Becca calm down. Please.” Sam stepped forward again, placing his hands in an almost praying position; how ironic. He didn’t want to upset her any more than he already had, but making things better seemed so far away, something he couldn’t reach. 

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

Becca closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment, took an elongated inhale and then exhale, and focused back on Sam. “Okay, okay. Fine.” She knew she couldn’t be angry at Sam for too long. Of course, he should have told her; she didn’t care about how it would have upset her right before giving birth, she didn’t want to be treated like a child who wasn’t allowed to know all the town’s secrets. But looking back at Sam’s almost heartbroken face, she knew she couldn’t be angry for too long; it wouldn’t be fair. “Have you seen Grizz?”

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

“No, why? They’ve only just got back.” The mention of Grizz from Becca’s lips surprised Sam, making his heart beat a little faster. He didn’t want to think about the dark-haired boy, let alone to talk to Becca about him. He longed to see him, even if it was just from afar. In one way; he wished he was there when the group came back. Even just seeing Grizz’s smile would have uplifted Sam; even if it was just for a minute. But on the flip side; Sam knew how difficult it would be for Grizz to see him. And he didn’t want to add to the pain he’d caused. 

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

“Hm. What happened?” Becca snapped Sam out of his Grizz-filled trance, wanting some answers. 

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

“Huh?” 

_ _ _ __ _ _ _

“Between you and Grizz. Both disappeared at Thanksgiving, didn’t you?” Becca rolled her eyes, giving Sam one of her signature ‘you know’ looks. “I’m your best friend. I know when you’re angry, sad, _smitten_.” She signed the last word with special emphasis and nodded her head to Sam as if to say she _understood_. ____

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Becca,” Sam warned, not wanting her to say anymore. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You haven’t been yourself since the group left; you were so excited about Eden and then… When Grizz came to the hospital, who did he really come to see? Who did he follow?” Sam knew Becca wasn’t stupid. Sure, when she was pregnant and when Eden was born Becca had been so occupied with her that of course she didn’t notice anything. Sam liked to think he was pretty good at hiding his emotions; but Becca knew it him too well and now, it seemed that nothing would get past her. “I saw his face, Sam.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Becca…” Sam couldn’t bring himself to truly explain to Becca exactly what had happened. The words wouldn’t form in his mind, let alone his mouth or hands. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

Becca moved towards Sam this time, wanting to make it clear that she wasn’t angry, not really. All she wanted was for Sam to be truthful. They both should have been truthful with each other from the start. “I’m not going to say anything. I won’t. It wouldn’t be fair.” She knew too well what it was like to have a secret taken away and given out to everyone in the world. She wasn’t going to do that. To Sam or to Grizz. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I really care about him. A lot.” This was true. But being apart from Grizz that week had made Sam realise it was far more than that. Yes, he cared about him, immensely. He liked the way words fell out of his mouth. How much he enjoyed reading and reciting fantastical quotes from various literature. How kind and vulnerable he was with Sam. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do you want to tell him?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That I like him? I told him, before-“

_ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No. _Come on_, Sam. About Eden. Did we ruin it?”__

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You could never ruin anything.” Sam shook his head, whilst carefully signing. Becca meant so much to him, and now so did Eden. She’d been there alongside him, through everything. They’d already battled through enough together. Becca was his rock, and he was hers. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“_Sam!_ Seriously. Look, I messed up. This was my fault. But looking at her, holding her for the first time… I’ve never felt anything like it. But it’s not fair for me to hold you to that.”__

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m not going to abandon you.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No way! I’d never let you. But… I can’t stand in the way between you and your happiness.” Becca could see how difficult this was for Sam, and she didn’t want to prolong that. All she wanted was for Sam to be happy. It had been obvious something was wrong since Thanksgiving; he hadn’t been himself like there was something missing and Becca didn’t want that. “Hey, that can be my gift to you. You’ll be there for me and Eden, right?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Of course.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Becca shrugged her shoulders as if this was the most natural thing in the world. “Well, there you are. Sam, tell him.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That’s not fair. I can’t.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Sam.” Becca insisted; as if she was putting her foot down on the whole situation. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Are you sure?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Becca nods, “And anyway, if someone has to know, it should be Grizz, right?” She paused for a moment and focused right back on Sam, making sure she had his attention. “He’s adorable, Sam.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We don’t have to tell anyone else.” Sam hated the position he was putting Becca, he felt as if he was forcing her to give in to him. But he couldn’t think of any way he could make things better, at least try to move this whole mess forward. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hm, we’ll see. Let me know what he says. Okay?” The arrival of baby Eden had made Becca realise a few things. One being that even with half the town knowing that she had given birth; no one seemed to judge her, or at least not to her face. Everyone had been so kind and warm, especially Kelly. Becca, who at the beginning felt so alone and lost, realised she had the biggest family who were always going to be there and Eden. It wasn’t just Sam. It was everyone. Maybe she wasn’t quite ready to tell everyone the truth about Eden’s father, but she was becoming more accepting of it. But even if she did tell the truth; there was no way she was just giving Sam up. They’d made an agreement and Sam loved Eden the most. She would never take that away from him. Ever. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Okay.” Sam nodded, unsure if Becca knew how important what she was doing was. He wasn’t sure whether she was completely happy with it, but she had agreed to it and Sam was eternally grateful for his best friend. And he was sure Becca knew that even if he didn’t say it enough. “And Becca?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hm?” Becca had turned away for a moment, focusing back on Eden, stroking her warm cheeks, wondering if anything else could be this soft. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I love you, both of you.” Sam moved towards Becca, to which she turned around, and raised his hands, to gently touch Becca’s arms. He was so thankful for her; he didn’t know how to tell her that. Anything he said or did would never make up for what she was doing. He reached out to join Becca’s hands on Eden’s cheek, not wanting to stir her. Becca looked up at Sam and placed a small kiss on his cheek, to which Sam started to blush. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Sam, go!” Becca raised her voice, almost pushing Sam out of the door. Sam glanced back to the shorter girl, to see her giving him a small smile but not a sad one. This smile was filled with hope, which is all Sam needed. Just a little bit of hope.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
